Life in General

Life can get a little dull at times while other times you can't even catch a breath. I'm figuring out how to balance life. My main focus these days is the house, school, and Landin (with quality Trev time thrown in). I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with Landin right now. We usually have so much fun together and he pushes me to be better. Although, just last night we had a minor explosion. He wouldn't listen to me to lay down in his bed for bed time. Landin is a free spirit and very stubborn. When he wants to play or be funny it is hard to get him to stop. Even after warning him multiple times I usually have to make a point by walking away or taking away something he really loves. Last night I told him I wasn't going to read him his bedtime story. Of course this was a horrible punishment. How on earth could he go to sleep without his bedtime story?!? (I probably should have thought of something better, but I improvised in the moment like most moms do.) He cried and cried and screamed. I walked out of the room to give him some time to calm down, but that just made it worse.

So, I did what I usually do best. I sat down with him and talked to him in the sweetest, calmest voice I could muster up. He cried some more, but it wasn't the I'm mad and hate you cry. I picked him up at his request and let him cry because he was sad. At this moment I felt horrible!!! I sat him back down and asked him why he was crying and he said, "You made me sad and mad." I apologized while almost crying myself. I have always taught him to use words and say how he feels, so in these moments I feel like the worst mother ever. He sat there all puffy and teary-eyed. I asked him if he loved momma and he said no because I made him sad. (Double blow to my heart) I apologized again and asked if he forgave me, which he said yes. At the end of the conversation we ended up saying sorry to each other and he did say he loved me. It was so sweet and sad. It's just one of those moments when you give in and forget what the problem (or bad behavior) was in the first place. You have to appreciate the little human you are raising and thank God that you have another day to try again and be better the next time.

I love my little guy more than anything and sometimes if I just forget about all the bad stuff life can bring and focus on him, then life is a little more simple and better. I forget what is important in life and that each day I wake up is because I have a purpose.

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